Ever since I was a child, I was referred to as the Female Ganesha., being the positive girl that I’m, I took it to my stride as I was referred to as “The female goddess” 🙂
I always have people come to me and pinch my cheeks and said what a cute kid I’m. It never occurred to me that weight was a perilous issue, until I got into my teens and people still referred to me as a “cute chubby kid”. That’s when I thought something was wrong. During my school days, though miniskirts were not an ‘in’ thing, the jeans and ¾ were defly in vogue. My mother always bought me a pair of salwar-kurta when I asked her for a sleeveless top and a pair of torn jeans, which was what every other girl was wearing those days. Being a mom, she always said I looked prettier in kurta’s rather very tactfully. She could never have the heart of saying I looked fat in a pair of jeans!
My thought process of being a plus sized girl started to overtake everything else. Whenever I went for shopping, every dress that I liked never comes in my sizes and I always ended up compromising for something that I never liked. Whenever I saw a model on TV, I used to think if people can exist in that size. I was always interested in Theatre and arts from a young age, and when I told mom that I wanted to get into acting, she exclaimed saying “You will not fit into acting” and this comment made me think , whether I’m too fat to fit into an entire industry? And hence, that dream remains a dream till date. The seeds of acting and plus size being counterparts were sown into my mind from a very young age.
From models to mannequin, every woman had the same figure as it was a cut-copy-paste from one to another. From being the positive bubbly girl that I was, the society’s -ve attitude on my weight was heavier to carry than my weight itself. Whenever I went for parties and functions, I see girls dressed up in the up-to-the-minute fashionable clothes and I convinced myself that I’m not tailor made for the dress and no tailor would make those dresses for my size. This thought created a vacuum and limited my thought process about looking good and hence I dint feel good as well.
For years, I was in a bubble trying to hide myself. I tried not to socialize much as that would make me feel less confident. I tried to wear clothes to hide my flab and was ashamed to look the way I looked. I cursed god for making me like this. For making me look abnormal and ugly. This continued for months and years and all I got in return was more negativity and frustration towards life.
Whenever I sit in a restaurant and order food, friends always tell me “don’t eat this, watch what you eat…” while they hogged on those burgers and fries. I tried everything I could to reduce from being FAT to FAB. Walking, dieting, gymming, Aerobics and what not… 30 years of my life went in trying to look like how others wanted me to look. I have poisoned, tortured, battered my body enough and I wanted to put an end to this weight loss tamasha. I had friends tell me that I need to have the will power to lose weight. Well, if will power is all that I needed to lose weight, I would be the skinniest person as I had abundance of it.
Guys always looked at my friends and never at me. One guy came up to me and said “You have the flab at the wrong places, girl” and I said “You have a lot of flab just in one place, man” and he got the message loud and clear. Guys always chose the girl with prefect figure as that boosts their self-image. Being the chubby girl, I never got my way with guys!
One day; I decided that this cannot go on forever. Enough is enough. Either I live this way and lose my life or change my perspective. I had to change my outlook about me first and then let the society change its outlook. I started dressing the way other girls dressed and started to feel more confident. I started to accept the way I’m and appreciated the way I looked. Being FAT is not wrong nor a crime. But that’s how we are made so instead of cribbing, let’s accept it.
WE created a new fashion line for plus size woman, the society is beginning to change, it is only US who are still in our shell. SO, wear those mini’s and put on the make-up and SHOW UP immaterial of what others think about you. It is what you feel about yourself that matters; everything else is just a side-kick.
I deserve the respect as a human being. I deserve to be treated with kindness, dignity, love and compassion. I demand the same treatment as any other girl is given. Being obese does not make me any less privileged. Obesity is not contagious but negativity is.
Round is a shape too, if you want to call it that way. Size 32 is a number as well as is size zero. Let us change our outlook on ourselves before expecting the society to change its outlook on us. Let us be the role model for million others to follow. Let us create our own path instead of the road that’s been travelled by a billion others.
So accept what you are and be thankful for it!! You’re big because a tiny body cannot hold so much personality that you have! Stop hating your body. As Marlin Monroe rightly said, “It is not YOU who is ugly, it is the SOCIETY…” Beauty is created from attitude and not from inches. WE are not FAT, The society is getting skinnier everyday as it flushes the happiness and morals and ethics.
Today when people ask me what makes me so confident, I tell them it is because of what I’m and how I look. I wear what I feel comfortable in. I put on the make-up that I look pretty in. It is because i love myself. It is not what the world thinks, but what I think about myself. It is my life, and i live it my way…!
Say out loud – I’m BIG… I’m BOLD… and I’m BEAUTIFUL!