Being a Tam-Bram…!!!

Aathule ellarum epdi iruka…?

Well, being a Tam-Bram, I had to start it this way eh 🙂 I dint know that being a Tam-Bram is a cult until I was told otherwise!! I mean, all my friends raise their eyebrows and give that small wicked smile when they know I’m a Tam-Bram and I wonder if that’s good or bad!

Whenever I read a name that ends with a Subramanian or a Narayanan, it brings a smile on my face and that’s the power of the Tam-bramism on me!

If you are a Tam-Bram and you’re single, you are the most pitiful and disaster-prone soul on mother earth…!! The chances of getting killed by a maami in a social function are higher than getting killed by a raccoon. It’s better to stay put indoors rather than put urself in Hall-Of-Shame going outside. The minute they see you, it’s like this tiger waiting to get to his prey. They pounce on you and attack you with the same set of questions. 1. Eppo kalyanam pannika pore? 2. Unaku vayasaindu iruku, apparam paiyyan kedaikarthu kashtam.3. U.S poi settle aiden. 4. Aathule amma appaku oru periya relief irukum illiya…!

What?!? Since when, I became a mobile shaadi.com candidate? These standard set of questions are mostly from maami’s whose son/ daughter is either single or ran away with non Tam-bram person, and they vent out all their parental frustrations on us.

Even if you dont nod your yes, they will make you nod with the emotional drama and tears and the whole Tamil serial episode funda. The next is to find a boy.

A typical Tam-Bram matrimony reads as this:
“Seeking a boy (yeah, he is yet to complete his school) between 28-30 years of age, fair and handsome (no, not the cream) who is a minimum B.E and an MS who is well paid (like, 1 million $?). Please apply (huh,? U mean I need to apply for a husband post in ur family?) to this mail id..”

Tam-Brams consider working for someone else to be a noble profession. If you own a business, there is something wrong with your ethos. They will do a background check to see what kind of business you do and if it is legal!

Well after this tamasha comes the matching of horrorscopes (No, it is not a typo). Where all your stars have to be in the wrong positions facing different directions to be matched with the boy’s..!

The next logical (well according to THEM, this is logical). The BOY comes to the girl’s house with his parents to check how the girl is. Can she walk, talk, Walk and talk and so on.. With the free Bajji and Bonda and not to forget the Filter Kaapi, they analyze and note how the girl behaves, how she talks. Then the boy seeks permission from his parents (well, I said, he is a boy…!) to talk to the girl in private ( please read private as the chithi and athai over hearing what you talk from the kitchen). The boy asks, “Did you say ok to get married or your parents forced you..” (well, a goat is not asked for permission before being butchered, isn’t? ), and the girl replies “no no, enakum equally interest iruku!…” and before its time for the next question, the girl’s father enters and says “make urself comfortable Mr. XXX, feel at home”, ( yeah sure, can u close the door please), and the nice “BOY” that he is, politely says “Sure mama”.

Once the girl and boy agree to marry and put all the blames on each other for all their mistakes for eternity, there are greetings sparkling all over the place “ Romba sandhosham mama, enaku indha madhiri kudumbathule paiyyan kidachadhuku romba bagyam pannirkanum” and then the sweets are distributed and the boy’s family go home happily ever after.

P.S – more to continue in my next blog!

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